Fake Criterions | Don’t

May 2, 2022 // 21 Comments

I sincerely love this.

My fake trailer for ‘Grindhouse’ is still one of my favourite things I’ve made.

It amuses me no end to see this fake cover.

What other movie would feature Lee Ingleby, Myanna Buring and Katie Melua on the box art?

I fully expect the comments sections to feature requests for me to make this into a feature length version (a la ‘Machete’ and ‘Hobo With A Shotgun’), but I believe that the best version of ‘Don’t’ may have already been made and it was 85 seconds long.

So if you’re thinking a feature version might be made anytime soon…

DON’T!

Either way, hope you enjoyed Tony Mayer’s excellent Criterion cover, especially love that the film was made in my birth year. Here’s what the designer had to say about it below.

When Fake Criterions announced Double Fakeout Fake Criterions Month, I had a hard time picking out what fake film to design the cover of. My first thought was the classic Angels With Filthy Souls, but some research* finally convinced me to tackle Edgar Wright’s Don’t.

My overwhelming love for giallo and supernatural Italian horror made Don’t my favorite Grindhouse trailer. I see little homages to Argento’s Deep Red, Bava’s Shock and Fulci’s The Beyond all throughout. There have been floating rumors that Wright would produce a full-length version of Don’t. All I can say is that if he did it would be a pitch-perfect tribute to some of the most mind-bending movies that Italy had to offer.

This double fake cover consists of screencaps from the trailer with a whole lot of textures and time.

*This “research” consisted of watching Grindhouse.

Via TonyMayer & Fake Criterions

  • Robert_Stuvland

    DUDE YOU GOTTA MAKE THIS A FEATURE!!!! I WOULD TOTALLY SEE IT!!!

  • elmahdy_98
  • elmahdy_98
  • Anonymous

    The first time I saw the “Don’t” trailer in the theaters, I couldn’t stop laughing. I love old trailers and old horror movies. To me that was an opus of late 60’s styled trailers. I agree it would be hard to sell the idea of a full length version of it, but there is always cheaply made straight to video options available.

  • Anonymous

    The first time I saw the “Don’t” trailer in the theaters, I couldn’t stop laughing. I love old trailers and old horror movies. To me that was an opus of late 60’s styled trailers. I agree it would be hard to sell the idea of a full length version of it, but there is always cheaply made straight to video options available.

  • Aekime

    Atleast make a “Don’t Do It Again” or “Don’t 2” (USA) trailer.

  • Aekime

    Atleast make a “Don’t Do It Again” or “Don’t 2” (USA) trailer.

  • Jasonbryant13

    Edgar,

    Warner Brothers “JACK THE GIANT KILLER” setting up in Wells for next couple of weeks, at the Cathedral and in a quarry near Cheddar..lots of c.g.i apparently …..thought you would be interested.

  • Jasonbryant13

    Edgar,

    Warner Brothers “JACK THE GIANT KILLER” setting up in Wells for next couple of weeks, at the Cathedral and in a quarry near Cheddar..lots of c.g.i apparently …..thought you would be interested.

  • OC5

    whats your favorite Criterion releases Edgar?

  • OC5

    whats your favorite Criterion releases Edgar?

  • I’m having a bit of a minor freak-out at the moment. Thank you so much for blogging about my contribution to Fake Criterions, Edgar. I’ve been a huge fan of yours a friend of mine sat me down to watch her imported DVDs of Spaced, and I’m glad my bit of photoshoppery gave you some enjoyment.

  • AmberGrindstaff

    One of my favorite trailers 🙂

  • If you ever think you could turn the “movie” into a full-length production without losing any of the awesome, please do so. As it stands, though, since you don’t think making a full “Don’t” would work, then follow your own advice for now and… don’t.

    I’m a big fan of your work, so I trust your own feelings on whether you can make it work. Just keep doing fantastic work and I’ll keep giving you my money.

  • Israel Gonzalez

    Ah! Didn’t know you made the “Don’t” trailer! Awesome!

  • Legend_fish

    I absolutely love Don’t. And I agree that it’s best version is trailer form.

  • Dude, just make it. MAKE THE MOVIE! That’s not a request, it’s an order, sir.

    • HULK ARGUE EDGAR CORRECT. AND NOT SURE WHY YOU WANT ONE. HOW MAKE A MOVIE OUT WHAT AMOUNT TO A BRILLIANT 85 SECOND JOKE?

      • ken guidry

        I just got a notice via gmail that FILM CRIT HULK responded to one of my comments. I got so excited until I realized it was a response to something stupid I said two years ago. I love Edgar Wright. My “that’s an order, sir” was an obvious tongue-in-cheek type thing.

    • To paraphrase something Neil Gaiman said: Edgar Wright is not your bitch.

      If he thought a full-length “Don’t” was a good idea, it’d likely have already been made. Right now he doesn’t think he could do the trailer justice and I don’t know about you, but I trust his judgement as his track record so far shows me that he knows what he can do and how to do it fantastically.

      • lol at serious replies to what i said. obviously edgar wright can do what he wants. yeeesh